An All-Weather Friend

The progress of the mind can be gauged by the phases it goes through trying to find answers to the 'why' of life. For some, life remains a blame-game. For the lucky few, who refuse to accept life as just a string of mundane activities, the mind looks inward for answers. Finding them needs patience and perseverance. Control of the thought process is, according to me, the key. Finding truth within oneself and being true to the discovered self is nirvana. Life is a joyful journey, and it you will find is a true friend.

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When questions find no answers,

And no rationale breaks the ground,

Hurt beyond hurt

You pirouette to blame

The first thing you chance upon-

A person, the place,

A biased unseen force

A destiny so cursed.

Beyond the hurt, behind the twilight,

Darkness holds with tendrils tight,

And as they grow into knobby fingers,

Ask the honest question rarely posed,

“Am I the real problem?”

Do I choose to feel the feel I feel?

Can I choose to feel another feel?

That critique inside now sharply slams,

Criticizes ‘ME’! Not the people outside!

Not the times! Nor the forces!

Not even fate!

What has changed, I ask myself?

How now have these fingers changed direction?

I am the owner of my thoughts,

And so am I of my feelings,

My warts and moles there for you see,

For now trashed is my concealer cream,

Laugh if that’s the way you are,

For I have made peace with the self.

No storeys of sorry stories,

No promotions or demotions

No notions of grandeur,

No ego to flatter or coerce

No fetters of hate or expectation

This living ship sails the unknown,

The water, the sun and the wind

The only truths that sail along.

Weather, season, high tide and low,

Life and I no shadows cast,

In life I found a dearest friend

And only in death shall we part.

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Am I this?

‘He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear with almost any ‘how’
                                                                                    - Friedrich Nietzsche

So before we ask why it is important to ask how. Value systems and social ethics prescribe the accepted method. But what if those don’t satisfy your individual quest?  What if at some stage in life, the monotony of it all just renders you incapable of enjoying life beyond an avatar of biological needs and social role player? Chronic meaninglessness, apathy, and aimlessness and an acute awareness of the superficiality of life plague many a lives to a point of no return.

What defines a human being? What is it that makes us unique in this world of over a zillion creatures? I think we are unique because we ask questions. And the biggest and the toughest question we have ever asked is ‘Why have I been born?’ The saddest element of any search is that we forget to enjoy the journey, concentrating hard only on the destination.

We search for the meaning in life and during this search, evolves a story unique to each individual. As life unfolds before us, we discover aspects of ourselves we never thought existed. It is this wonder, about an amazing individual that resides within you, that is the real meaning of life.

‘Am I this?’ takes a look at the different ways in which we look at ourselves in wonder.

• ·         Firstly, a body that physically feels and responds to stimuli from the environment - a ‘living’ thing in the true sense of the word.
• ·         Then, a thinking conscience that reacts to the offered stimuli in unusual ways. So different from individual to individual that you wonder is the stimulus offered in the first place was really the same!
• ·         Thirdly, a wonderfully evolved mechanism that works in a magically complex way - the human body and brain – the wonder machine!
• ·         And lastly, the insignificance of human life. The human body is just a item in the pathway of energy in the universe.

I am just a minute fragment floating in a gigantic system far, far beyond my comprehension. I should let my universe shrink to a few meters around me. This would give me a better perspective of what life expects from me and what I should expect from life. Continued ripples of change rip and reshape the complex universe that surrounds me, in much the same way as it does the larger universe.


Evolving in this system of a zillion changes is this little life of mine. I am a complex molecule getting more complex by the day. And older and wiser too! What do I have to offer to this universe in flux? Well, nothing much. Just a little more changes, maybe! And a promise to keep the fires of quest burning and the arrows of questions flying in all possible directions !

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I! Am I this body

that feels the heat and cold?

that in indignity hackles raise?

that in triumph or defeat sheepishly grins?

I! Am I this dream

that showcased my might?

that took away the bashfulness?

that lets me speak out my true mind?

I! Am I this magic

that makes my body work?

that in impulse and reflex reacts unprompted?

that deduces answers to hundreds of questions I pose?

I! Am I this unknown entity

that is just an insignificant particle?

that is but a living vessel of transient energy?

that transcends the universe to the space beyond?

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© Nalini Hebbar/openmind/2009-all rights reserved

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