Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Greatest Marriage

This poem is about a woman who has a suspicious husband. Her life with him needs to end but can she take that leap away from the complacency that sets into every marriage? She needs to do what is right for her. She owes it to herself. Here's what I think of marriage. 

What is it that will make a marriage a happy one? This question has remained unanswered in my mind as my boat of matrimony travels through sunny calm seas and choppy stormy oceans. But one thing is for certain, a marriage is about 2 well groomed sets of wings and not about a pair of handcuffs. 

For a marriage to be a happy one, you have to be happy with yourself. Marry yourself and love yourself more that you love anything or anybody else, and when you do that your actions will speak for themselves. Fight for what you think is right. You owe yourself that.
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

Marriages are not made in heaven but are lived in hell on earth. So are some marriages. Or are most so?
Most people enter the institution called marriage unable to fathom the depth of the narrow well they just jumped into, for love sings in their souls and sex growls in their groins. As they wake up from the cozy dream, the rigmarole of the breakfast roll and tired nightly hit-the-roll can be so taxing and unnerving that love, and then sex, flies out of the window. 
They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake. 

The so called 'division of labour' was designed to keep this institution in good working order, well oiled and organized. But with changing times, the unequal equation became unbalancingly unequal. That's when the blame game takes over, a horrible game that takes its toll on the health and the well being of the members of the sacred institution called marriage, which includes the children.
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. 

Are women of today happy 'tending only to hearth and birth' as a career option? Is self worth and expression in the market place taking precedence over an ordinary existence? As more and more women are seen out there looking successful and beautiful, the drudgery of domesticity is something a woman is forced to do. and surely not something she would opt to do!
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.

Anger and regret swim about
Chasing each other in the sea of confusion,
She cursed the day she set her eyes upon
The man she felt she could live with forever.

What was it she liked in him
That she her life joined with him.
Was it the silence she thought attractive?
But Alas! Each silence, an untold secret!

Sparks did fly for the chemistry was there,
Unanalyzed chemistry that shocked and awed.
Out-awed but in shock, for years of wedlock
Had drained her of both self worth and health.

Every argument ended in a spray of venom
About her character and her sexuality,
Suspicions and allegations spoken of,
A device wielded to scissor dissent!

Why does a man use loose phrases with
Mouthfulls of them in gratis fashion,
Every time the woman dares speak up
About the way she feel things should run?

On a privileged pedestal he thus elevated,
In his closed mind and in his soaring soul,
All voices that reach out to him loud
Are voices he wishes fatal silence on!

Built is the male psyche with bricks so peculiar,
Unmovable blocks reinforced with lies,
Taught, molded and cast since birth,
Lovingly cured by men and women alike.

End of a marriage is not the end of a life,
Fortunately, life is more than just a marriage!
The greatest marriage is the one with oneself,
A bond that no loose words can ever break.

© Nalini Hebbar/openmind/2009-all rights reserved

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Magali Vaz said...

Very well written Nalini, I enjoyed reading it!

Anonymous said...

Very meaningful and elaborate post on "Marriage" and i just came across in (Links India Likes) and i liked it!
Try submitting your blog posts in "indli" for more interactive viewers.

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Hello Naliniji,

am so touched reading this.

well said, the people not in love with themselves can cause havoc to their parterns.


Anonymous said...

Teamgsquare said...

very beautiful...........

Dr. Pratibha Singh said...

Welcome back mam and it feels good when you are around. Well about the post I loved it completely and can't deny the facts you brought through this.Marriage is a an institution where we learn major lessons of life but self love and self worth is more important because if you love yourself and who you are than you can love others.

R-A-J said...

Hey Nalini,

Interesting read.

Just got an sms frm a friend yday nite sayin she's hvn sleepless nights cos her marriage is cumin up next the record, she doesnt wanna gt married but is doin so cos her parents r forcin her n cos by arranged marriage stats, the guy is 'a catch' (sic)...she says "she just dnt feel like gettin married nw" but nobody seem 2 understand ths as a reason...I really feel bad fr her as a friend n this incident n ur post here set me thinkin...I think ppl shud gt married only whn they feel like it n nt cos "u're gettin old" or to fulfill sum social obligation.

Great read Nalini, really set me thinkin...though after readin ur post, I think u mite agree wid my above views check my blog...a lil on the unconventional side, like sumbody said...;)

Deepa Gopal said...

Hi Nalini

Love to be back after a long time...

This is a beautiful poem and I just LOVE the last stanza.

Beautifully written:)

Pooja said...

Amazingly well written..

I loved this line: "The greatest marriage is the one with oneself..."
Your nature, your life entirely depends on how well you connect with yourself. All other relations comes secondary.

Anu Lal said...

Nice work Naliniji. I have an award for you in my blog. Feel free to check it.

dr.antony said...

Hadn't seen you for a while.
Beautifully written.
The secret for a marriage is the breathing space.Have a personal space.You cannot own a person.If you love someone,learn to set them free.
Did you read the' love story' I had written,about a marriage?
I like the choice of your music.

eyeography said...

"a marriage is about 2 well groomed sets of wings and not about a pair of handcuffs"...

This is so true..and your words say so much..
great poem...
Loved the last stanza a lot :)

Sumit Sarkar

Iniyaal said...

Well written! Insightful and thought provoking.

Linhy said...

Interesting blog you have here with your thoughts. Come checkout my blog sometimes and if you like what you see and my writing become my follower as well

Movies on my Mind said...

Good writing

Anonymous said...

well if you r open minded you can come and read my blog

Indian Top Blogs said...

You maintain a beautiful blog!
We 'spotted!' it here:

magiceye said...


magiceye said...


^.^ said...

End of a marriage is not the end of a life,
Fortunately, life is more than just a marriage!
The greatest marriage is the one with oneself,
A bond that no loose words can ever break.

Read more:

How I love this last verse. Thank you. cat

Someone is Special said...

very beautifully written... Came here to wish you a very ~ Happy Frendship Day ~

Someone is Special

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